Accidental Ambivalence

Weekend Update Part 1: "Sure I'll Drink That!" Edition

Separate updates are necessary for Friday and Saturday night because quite a lot seems to have happened. Or maybe I just want to draw it out. Either way, here’s Friday night’s recap.

Friday night was Tall Girl’s birthday party, and there had been plans for Senor Jose and me to attend for quite some time. As a party preparation, Bradshaw organized a group dinner. And, before we get started, on with the introductions:

Bradshaw: If you don’t know her by now, you haven’t read enough of the blog. Read more.

Dread: Big, articulate, psychology-majoring football player. Acts as my bodyguard whenever necessary.

Tall Girl: The birthday girl, and we love her.

Nametag: Because he wears one all the time, for whatever reason. A somewhat melancholy connoisseur of weed and wine.

Racer Boy: He was pretty quiet, but still in attendance.

Stretch: My new favorite person, a volleyball player who we’ll see again later.

While driving to the restaurant with Bradshaw, I was hit with a realization about this ridiculous group of friends: They are the most incestuous group of friends I’ve seen since my days in Small Town High School. Some examples:

Bradshaw, Stretch, and Tall Girl each had a physical encounter with Dread within a two week period, before the girls ever met each other. Bradshaw has a crush on Stretch’s younger brother. Racer Boy has a crush on both Stretch and Tall Girl. I have a teeny crush on Racer Boy (though I’ll never admit it to anyone outside the blogosphere). Tall Girl, Bradshaw, and I have each crushed on Nametag. Tall Girl has made out with him. Dread has been a jackass this week, so Bradshaw and I were both avoiding being too close to him.

Despite all of that previous baggage and potential weirdness, there was none. Stretch and I chatted a bit to get to know each other better. Nametag exclaimed over the combination of cheap margarita and his “crazy” nachos.* Everyone snarked at each other in an affectionate way. There was good-natured teasing of the fabulous waitress. We made a nearby bartender crack up. It was fun, even if it wasn’t anything spectacular.

Back at Tall Girl’s apartment, her roommates had been preparing for our arrival with music and lots of clean glasses. One very strong tequila and OJ later, I was agreeing (why why why?!) to take a shot of Ketel One—and I hate vodka. It was at about this point that I dubbed it “Grab Ass Night” and decided that the fondling of the posterior regions of friends and strangers alike was fabulously appropriate. There was dancing to bad music, tasting of other’s drinks,** and the task of getting rid of unwanted party guests.

I was sipping my second drink when Stretch and I started chatting with a group of mutual friends. When I learned that she was a girl who could shoot tequila, she became my new favorite person. Of course, we had to seal the new friendship with the aforementioned tequila shot.

Let’s pause briefly to recall Lightweight-Nic’s alcohol intake up to this point: an approximate total of six tequila shots, one straight and five mixed; a shot of admittedly not terrible vodka; and various sips and tastes of various friends’ drinks.

Stretch and I were discussing our height difference (she’s 6’1”, I’m 4’10”) and how annoying it was that I couldn’t see anyone across the room in the crowded apartment. She suggested that I get on her shoulders to get a better view and I jokingly agreed. Before I fully realized what was happening, I was flashing back to high school cheerleading as a male cheerleader was lifting me up to sit on her shoulders. I could finally see across the room.

I found myself at one point in the kitchen with two boys, one straight whom I had just met and a gay friend. Both were asking for kisses, one serious and one joking. Because I was drunk and am always a bitch, I placed a chase kiss on the cheek of the straight boy and a friendly smooch on the lips of the gay friend, then flounced away as drunk females are want to do.

This is where the evening began to go downhill. I am blaming my transformation from pleasantly tipsy to drunk on beer pong. This apartment is notorious for the beer pong (or liquor pong, as the case may be), and Friday night was no exception. I don’t usually play (because my aim sucks), but a friend asked me to take her place because she was starting to feel sick. I was tipsy enough to agree and quickly learned that I have absolutely no depth perception when I drink.*** After a few throws and drinking cups totaling about half a beer, I walked away wordlessly, deciding for myself that it was time to stop drinking.

I voluntarily poured out the last quarter of my drink (lamenting the wastefulness), rinsed out my glass (because I am a polite guest), and went to mingle with the rapidly dwindling crowd. It wasn’t long before Bradshaw and I decided to head home and walked the two-and-a-half blocks to my apartment, both of us making fun of my absolute inability to walk anything resembling a straight line. After a bowl of Easy Mac (the best drunken college student food ever invented) and two glasses of water, I fell into my bed. I decided that I wasn’t going to drink as much at Saturday night’s kegger that we were obligated to attend.

I lied.

*Nametag has decided that he needs to bring more exclamation points into his life, so the crazy nachos comment always came with lots of enthusiasm.
**I learned that I don’t like gin any more than I like vodka, Crown Royal is overrated, and I still don’t like beer.
***I absolutely refuse to drink and drive, not just because it’s illegal but because I feel that it is extremely negligent and, quite frankly, stupid. This experience validated my decision.

Labels: alcohol, updates

posted by nicalyse @ 6:35 PM