Accidental Ambivalence

Hope for the Hopeless

I can feel it coming. The melancholy, the chronic boredom, the disinterest in my surroundings - the funk, if you will. This time around, I'm fighting it. The post from a Friday still stands: I have so many fabulous things going on that there's no sense in being in a funk. I am enjoying my job, I am enjoying my intellectual pursuits, and I am mostly pleased with my social life. Still, that doesn't mean that I can stop it.

My shopping trip yesterday was cut short by long lines and chatting with a co-worker, so I didn't get what I really needed. I went back today, while I had more time to browse, and managed to leave the mall after going into a dozen stores with some foundation and two cocktail rings. I was searching for cardigan sweaters, ballet flats, and fun accessories. It's hard to focus on the navy silk dress and skinny python belt from yesterday when today's trip was such a bust.

It's almost like I'm in a place where, if things aren't going exactly as I want them to, it's a complete loss. This is irrational and ridiculous, but is nevertheless how my days are going. Something is missing, and I don't know what it is. I can honestly say that I don't think the missing thing is a y chromosome-carrying being - although I did read an article about how if people would just have more sex, they'd be happier due to the hormones sex releases.

I'm still fighting though. With cupcakes and pomegranates and A Fine Frenzy and driving and reading and my cats and attempting to dress well and blogging. I'm watching out for that catalyst that could throw me over the edge, but I'm still trying to keep it at bay. I'm looking forward to cozy sweaters and twinkly lights and buying gifts and special coffee and the excuse to wear sparkly clothes and my hounds tooth coat. I'm holding on to the hope that something fabulous will happen and pull me back from the precipice.

Labels: funk

posted by nicalyse @ 5:16 PM