Accidental Ambivalence

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I always have such good intentions. I tend to fuck things up when I set too much by those intentions. This is, sort of, my way of apologizing for the lack of substantial posts. I've been distracted and stressed and working and sleeping and I can't always make myself sit here to type something.

With that said, let me tell you about the interesting piece of news I received about Hershey this week: He has, apparently, found himself a new girl to sleep with. This doesn't upset me in the way that it might upset the average girl. I never expected monogamy from him, and I was well aware of his sexual history (present, really) when I put myself in the situation. What I am a bit upset about is the fact that I was really hoping that I had found my new "special friend."* The knowledge that I no longer have that option is frustrating. The fact of the matter is, I'm not going to live at someone else's whim; I want a situation like this to be mutual, or at the very least on my own terms.

Regarding the book that I borrowed from him - and attempted to return a week ago - Bradshaw convinced me to hold on to it. I had considered writing a simple thank you note and returning it to his porch, but instead I'm going to keep it until he asks for it back. I already made the effort, so now it's his turn, and if he doesn't make that effort, I get a shiny new book. That's a win in my book.

I did find myself wondering if I jumped into the Hershey situation too quickly, if I invested too much (even that little bit) that I should have. I still miss Iris too much to even think about someone else in that capacity. I'm not sure of anything any more, really. So now, I shall return to the semi-celibate life that I was living, content in the knowledge that if the opportunity arises again, I'll probably take it.

*Read: Fuck buddy. I want one.

Labels: boys, updates

posted by nicalyse @ 4:45 PM