Accidental Ambivalence

Such a Great Big Liar

An observation: I need to start being more consistent with this posting stuff. I would be annoyed if I was reading my blog, what with the sporadic posts and insane nature of them. With that said, I'm going to be even more insane.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided that I wasn't going to write about Hershey any more. The problem is just how difficult it is to stop thinking about him, and since I tend to write what I'm thinking, there's a bit of a disconnect. Maybe that's why I got so random with the posting. In any case, I feel like we've crashed and burned - as much as something ten feet off the ground can crash and burn - and it is entirely my own fault. And not only is it my fault, I just keep going.

First was the night that I told him that he needed to get off his ass and be there for his supposed best friend, Gallagher, on a day that he knew was hard for her. I interfered in their friendship, something that I learned not to do back in high school but did anyhow. I know it was the right thing on some level, but on another, I feel really bad about it.

Then, there are the text messages. I seem to have a problem with texting when I drink, and since I'm not going to stop drinking, I think it's time to make a no-drunk-texts rule. Hershey played drums for a little bit at Piano Bar on Tuesday night.* The transcript of wasted-Nic texts went as follows:

Nic: Nice rhythm, drummer.
Hershey: Why thank you
Nic: You're welcome, doll.
Let's pause to point out that yes, I should have stopped right here. But I totally didn't.
Nic: I'm definitely drunk, but do you think you and I have a chance to start over drama-free?
Hershey: Drama?
Nic: You seem...thrilled with me since last Sunday.

And this is where the texting stopped, which leads me to believe one of two things. One, he was smart enough to realize that I was wasted and to end communication, regardless of his feeling about the conversation. Two, he really is still pissed about it and refuses to talk about it. I'm pretty sure I'm not happy with things either way.

Now, unless there are developments that don't make me want to pull my own hair out, I will refrain from posting about him again, lest I drive you all crazy. Also, I propose that I institute a no drunk texts rule! We shall consider this carefully over the next few days.

In unrelated news, I'm thinking of coloring my hair a bit for the first time and going slightly more red than my natural color. Thoughts?

*We are not even going to go to the place where I talk about drummers right now. You know how some girls feel about the guitarist? Or the lead singer? I'm all about the guy in the back.

Labels: alcohol, boys, my insanity

posted by nicalyse @ 5:15 PM