Accidental Ambivalence

Truth Project: Three

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Forgiveness is hard for me. I've entertained the idea that forgiveness is an overrated virtue (right behind chastity). I can let things go, but I don't give second chances and I often don't truly forgive. It's probably not a coincidence that I have a hard time apologizing. I'm infinitely better at letting-go-and-moving-on than I am at apologies and forgiveness.

I'll never be able to forgive myself for missing a chance with Iris. Never. Living with that particular "what if" is my fate, and while it taught me an incredibly valuable lesson, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself.

When Iris died, the boy-girl part of my brain shut down. I was enticed by little and pursued nothing for two-and-a-half years. I feel like I wasted all of the opportunities college is supposed to present, and even though I know rationally that it's silly, I feel like it's my fault. Like I should have done something differently.

I need to forgive myself for grieving.

How absurd.

Labels: truth project

posted by nicalyse @ 12:17 PM