Accidental Ambivalence

The Tree is Called McTwinkle

I’ve been obsessed with the idea of decorating my apartment for Christmas since Halloween. This is the first time I’ve ever lived in a space that lends itself to serious decorating—and it’s all at my own discretion. I’ve been living on my own for two years, but living in a dorm is hardly conducive to the kind of decorating that I’m interested in doing. While I was at home for Thanksgiving, I asked my mom for some of her old Christmas decorations that she doesn’t use anymore for various reasons, and I ended up with a box of lights, garlands, and ornaments, but no tree. That made me a woman on a mission.

At my mother’s suggestion, Bradshaw and I went decoration shopping at Hobby Lobby. I was doubtful, thinking that the crafty store was just pieces of bigger things that equally crafty people make. I don’t fall in that category, so I expected to wander around for a bit and leave empty-handed.

I was so wrong.

Hobby Lobby might be my new favorite store. I chose a 4’5” (almost as tall as me) tree fairly quickly, knowing that I didn’t want a seven foot monster in my little apartment. Bradshaw and I quickly moved on to ornaments. Aisles and aisles of 50% off. Heaven. I was in Christmas Heaven.

We picked a huge box of glass balls in bright pink, green, and blue. She pointed out a smaller box of balls*: Bright pink and shiny, with glittery pink polka dots.

“This is you in Christmas ornament form, I swear,” Bradshaw told me.

“So you’re saying that, as an ornament, I would be a fat, sparkly, pink ball?”

“Yes.”

Well, okay then.

Next, we went to the individual ornaments. A ball covered in fuscia and gold beads. A ball covered in silver glitter with a glittery blue abstract design.

“Attention shoppers, Hobby Lobby will be closing in five minutes. Please make your final selections and bring then to the front of the store.”

Seriously? It was only eight! Ornament selection pace increased dramatically. Funny blue shape with weird white designs. Shiny, dangly, green mirror-like things. A phallic, multi-colored, mirrored thing that Bradshaw decided she was in love with.**

“Attention shoppers, Hobby Lobby is now closed. Please make your final selections and bring then to the front of the store.”

This time, we followed the directions of the disembodied, amplified voice and toddled to the checkout with our shiny, sparkly treasures. The girl scanned everything, reminded me that the ornaments were 50% off and the tree was 40% off.

Again, seriously? 40% off? I did a little happy dance.

Final total: $38.73. Considering the original price on one of the boxes of ornaments was $20 and I got a tree, I’m extremely pleased with my purchases.

Bradshaw and I returned to the apartment and had dinner. We were joined by Dread (whose chemistry homework prompted me to declare "The Gutter" a science-free zone). I considered asking them to stay and help decorate, but then I remembered that I’m a control freak. I waited until they left and decorated it myself.

I think I’m in love.

*Every time I type that, I giggle a little in my head. This is because, deep down inside, I am a 13-year-old.

**I told her that, barring some unforeseen future hatred of her, this ornament will be hung on my tree every year with a giggle (because it really is phallic) and fond memories. I meant it.

Labels: Bradshaw, holidays

posted by nicalyse @ 9:46 PM