Accidental Ambivalence

Scratching the Itch*

A week from last Tuesday, I felt unstoppable. I went out, had a couple of drinks, and flirted with Hershey via text message. I know, what else is new. I had imagined that I would end up in bed with him, but by the time I got home at 1:30, he hadn't responded in what I considered an appropriate manner. I changed, set my alarm for work, and went to bed.

At 2:30, I finally received a reply. There was a brief exchange in which we established that we had both wanted to see each other and that neither of us was willing to leave our homes to make it happen that night. I was seeking to prove a point; he cannot be the one in control of the situation. I will not come just because he says so.** It was the principle of the thing, and I was proud of myself for sticking to what I had decided.

The next afternoon, I called Bradshaw and told her the story. She was, quite frankly, pissed off at me, and I think a little disappointed. She said something to the effect of, "You had a chance to have sex and you didn't go?" And then came the disparaging comments.

It was then that I realized something interesting, something that changed the entire situation in my mind. On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, while lying on my parents' couch dozing off with a cat, Hershey called me. He claimed that he was going through his phone and realized that we hadn't talked in a while. Let me remind you, my lovely readers, of the thing that he seems to have forgotten: I am not stupid. However, until talking to Bradshaw on Wednesday morning, I hadn't put all of the pieces together to realize how it could all turn out.

I now had all of the power.

He had contacted me twice for the same reason. I had come out of my self-imposed segregation from my social life, seen him out in public, and had an interesting conversation with him. The next move was mine, so to speak, and I was very excited by this prospect. I decided to move forward with it in order to get what I wanted. I worked Friday night, then went home, changed my clothes, had a snack, and fired off a "What are you up to?" text message.

I walked into his house at 2:25, greeted his dog, and let him unwind the scarf from my neck. When we finished, I patted his cheek, stretched like a cat, got dressed, and walked out. We chatted our way to the door, and I left feeling like we were in the middle of a rather trite conversation. It makes me feel like I still hold all of the power in the situation, and I like it.

I'll let you all know how things shake down from here, but just know that, for the moment, Nic is a satisfied, power-wielding woman.

*Whee, clichés!
**Haha, that would actually be really fantastic.

Labels: boys, flirting, updates

posted by nicalyse @ 12:05 PM