Accidental Ambivalence

Not Gonna Write You a Love Song

What is love? To me, love is an emotion that has as many different incarnations as there are relationships in the world. Relationships that don't have to be between two people, but can be between a person and an animal or a person and an object or an idea. There is romantic love, obsessive love, family love, love between friends. I love coffee, my cats, Bradshaw, my parents, a dead boy, driving, some kinds of music. Are any of these types of love more important than the other?

Perhaps, as with Things I Love Thursday, the things we love are simply the things we are grateful for. Without these things, these people, these experiences, our lives would be less: less rich, less full, less satisfying. I think that when we think of love though, we think of the love between people: the love we have for family, friends, and romantic interests.

In a conversation with Bradshaw a couple of weeks ago, we realized that the two of us rarely verbalize the fact that we do love each other. I think my love and gratitude for her has been well documented through my blog, but in case you've forgotten, I would kill for this girl. We've known each other for just over four years, and in that four years, she's become an indispensable part of my life - even after she moved to a different city. We talk on the phone almost daily - usually at least three times a week - but rarely do we end our phone calls with the obligatory "love you."

My mother always makes a point of reminding me that she loves me when we talk on the phone. I talk to my dad less often, and therefore it feels like we should say that we love each other (and of course we do). But when speaking to friends, I find myself more likely to use "I love you" as a response when they say something that I find particularly amusing or astute - the sort of thing that does, in fact, remind me of why they are a part of my life and why they are so important. She and I finally decided that we don't need to say the words; it is an unspoken understanding, the love that she and I share, and it doesn't require the sort of reinforcement of the message that I think a lot of us expect from our families.

Since that conversation, I've been hyper-aware any time I tell someone that I love them for any reason. I'm starting to wonder if our generation hasn't come up with a substitute for the word "love," simply because saying that particular word is scary. Many of us are inclined to use the phrase "I heart you." This, to me at least, means essentially the same thing as telling someone that I love them, but doesn't have all those scary connotation that go along with it. It's a safe way of telling someone how much they mean to you.

But really, is that fair? To trivialize such an important emotion with a word that means less simply because we're afraid that someone might misconstrue what we really feel? Telling someone that we love them makes us vulnerable. Isn't that worth it if we really love the person though?

Why are we all so afraid of love?

Labels: everyday musings

posted by nicalyse @ 11:00 AM