Accidental Ambivalence

Saying It Aloud

I am a writer.

This was an exercise that I did in a class a few years back, and the entire point was to say aloud to someone - and believe - that I was a writer. Not someone who knew a lot about writing, not someone who wrote sometimes, not someone who taught writing, but a writer. I said it to Bradshaw, who looked at me and simply said, "I know."

I've been writing as long as I can remember. When I was very young, I remember a story about a bunny, though I'm not sure what the bunny did. Most of what I've written has been inconsequential, first-person drivel that basically amounted to wish fulfillment. I took a short story class that helped me to grow as a writer through revision and showing my work to other people. I've journaled inconsistently for years, and I clearly have a blog.

Sometimes, I fear that the old cliché of "those who can't, teach" will be true of me. My mother has been saying for years that if I don't write a book she will be surprised and that I will have wasted a ridiculous amount of paper; others, getting to know me, have agreed. Maybe it's that expectation that keeps me from writing, which is ridiculous since, if nothing else, I always live up to others' expectations for me.

It's been months since I've written anything substantial, but finding the 1000 Words blog linked in TILT inspired me. It reminded me of a book of writing prompts that I own and the fact that, while I loved the book so much that I recommended it to a friend who also loved it, I've never actually carried through with an entire prompt.

Part of me is inspired to write. I don't have a good excuse not to; I have only good excuses to take the time to do it. I think, perhaps, that is the best thing.

Labels: my insanity, personal growth

posted by nicalyse @ 1:25 AM