Indecision
I have always been a pretty decisive person as far as most things are concerned. I either carefully consider all options before being presented with the actual decision making occasion - large purchases and so forth - or I follow my immediate gut instinct without looking backwards.Except when I don't.
I find myself consistently torn between the two sides of my personality. Do I want to be a classy girl or the girl who can hold her own with the boys? Do I want to be demure or foul-mouthed? Do I prefer a guy with whom I can chat about books or a guy who will take me out in the mud on a four-wheeler? Do I want to play hard to get or get what I want? Am I Carrie Bradshaw or Charlotte York? And, honestly, do I really want to be Samantha?
This, of course, assumes that all of these things are mutually exclusive, which of course they aren't. I can be classy and hold my own with the boys. I can be demure and break out the f-bombs at the appropriate time (though really, when isn't an f-bomb appropriate?*). There are boys out there who know about books and four-wheelers and will tolerate my multiple personalities. I can play hard to get and still go out and get what I want when I finally make up my mind.
Still, I find myself preoccupied with these sorts of questions lately. I think I may be going through some kind of identity crisis; a quarter-life crisis, if you will. It's a total crock, I know, a cop out, a way to avoid making a decision about anything: "I'm young, I'm supposed to be stupid and indecisive!" I can't help feeling certain that, at some point, I'm going to have to choose which way I want to live out most of my days. I'm going to have to go for a guy who likes to talk about books every day, but will only take me out in the mud when he's damn good and ready. And I think the fact of the matter is that I'm not ready to settle for having my cake and only eating it when someone else is damn good and ready.
*This is what's known as a rhetorical question.
posted by nicalyse @ 9:35 AM
3 Comments:
You shouldn't settle until YOU'RE damn good and ready.
GAH! I just left a blogment and it deleted it. How rude! Anyways, all I was writing was that even though I suck at leaving comments - I wanted you to know I fucking adore your blog. It is one of the first things I check when I get home. Even though I never seem to catch you online anymore, it somehow makes me feel like we still keep in touch :)
I don't remember what number is was on you last entry - but I definitely do think of you often ^_^ like whenever I see a piece of cheese.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Yes. Very appropriate. Even when it makes no sense for me to be saying it, it's appropriate. Hee. ^_^
Also, I second Bradshaw. Damn straight.
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