Fake It
After spending my day badgering second graders into being quiet, I feel so energized! I'm inspired to write, clean my kitchen, fix the vacuum, and make gnocchi from scratch.
Nope, no sense to be made from the combination of image and words. I just like that comic.Labels: my insanity, rambling
Thwarted
Sometimes, I just want to be alone.
Today, I want to be alone. I am not in a funk. I am not angry. I am not avoiding anyone. I simply want to have some time to myself in which to be loud or naked or weird or quirky or whatever.
Apparently everyone is attempting to thwart my efforts.
This is not okay.
Labels: rambling
Running Errands
Today was a day of consumption, kittens. It was weird to have a Monday off work - that hasn't happened in quite some time - but I decided to make the most of it. I slept in, and the last two pieces of furniture that belonged to the girl who lived in this room before have finally been picked up, so I can arrange things in a way that is more what I like. This makes me happier than I even realized it would. First I'm going to vacuum and organize some things, which I've been feeling compelled to do lately.
I needed to go to the bank, I got some coffee at work (because there was none in the house, which was really not okay), and headed to Target. I bought a way-cute pair of wedges, Across the Universe, and a string of really
cute lantern lights to decorate the little patio outside my window. Then I headed to Wal-Mart for groceries and flowers - which are way too pretty to explain. While the lady was checking me out, I realized how insane my purchases seemed. Potting soil, plants, pots, two quarts of motor oil, a package of men's tank tops (for layering), baby wipes (to remove makeup), and assorted grocery items. To her credit, she didn't comment.
It's raining, or else I would transfer the plants into their new homes. I suppose that can wait until tomorrow. I had a lovely little turkey sandwich on fresh French bread for dinner, and now I am going to grab my umbrella and head downtown to meet Spark at the Roommate's restaurant for tiramisu and maybe a tipple*. And I think tonight, I will sleep better knowing that things are back in the places that they are meant to be.
*This is on the short list for my new favorite words.Labels: everyday amusements, rambling
At This Moment
At this exact moment, I am agreeing with a text message that I just received from Bradshaw. I also want a boy who will be in my bed whenever I want him to be. I am feeling like I want that boy to be in my bed at this very moment.
I will not do self-destructive things tonight.
Labels: rambling
Losing Control
When is it time to give up? When is it time to realize that there isn't anything else that you can do in a situation and walk away? How do you know that you have done all that you can and see that it is no longer in your hands? At what point does putting in the effort become not just superfluous but damaging?
I suppose, in most situations, the devil is truly in the details, tied up with what is being done and how it is being attempted. For example, there are only so many ways that you can present yourself and your interest to a potential employer before you become the overeager applicant and get passed over.
But when a girl, a brash, unaffected girl who isn't always so forthcoming with what she wants, comes out and says that she doesn't need anything from you but desires your friendship, what reason is there not to respond? And what is that girl to do? At what point does the "what if" leave her control and become something that she can no longer affect? At what point does doing something about it stop being proactive and start being overzealous and, perhaps, bordering on insane?
And even when she recognizes it is out of her control - an uncomfortable place to be, certainly - how does she reconcile herself with this new "what if"? How does she make herself realize that there is nothing more that she can do and that, sometimes, uncertainty is a part of life that you cannot take responsibility for?
Labels: personal growth, rambling
Perspective
I am not an intensely political person, something which can possibly be credited to the generation that I am a part of. My peers and I were born into a Republican America, grew up in a Democratic America, and became aware of the politics in a Republican America that wasn't exactly a positive picture for that party, or, really, for our country on the whole. Leading up to the election in 2004, I was excited that I was finally able to participate in the process that shapes much of our country. I was an idealistic freshman in college and I thought it would be amazing.
Then I realized that everyone's votes aren't equal. In my mind, when your state's electoral votes don't match your own, your vote was essentially worthless.* As I watched the situation in our country change, my political opinions became a bit jaded. I allowed myself to fall into a state of hostile apathy: I was hostile when things affected me directly, like gas prices, and apathetic the rest of the time.
As the 2008 election heated up, I was excited. Change is a word that is quickly becoming a cliché, but I felt like I could be part of a change that was desperately needed. I watched all of the presidential debates. I lamented the lack of alcohol in my parents' house as I watched the VP debates. I watched The Daily Show and The Colbert Report faithfully, I checked news websites, I engaged in political conversations at work.
All of this to explain why I want to both roll my eyes at Meghan McCain and pat her on the back. She's been writing for The Daily Beast (see the sidebar, kittens), and her column on
post-election dating irritated me. Her most recent post, however, is about her
distaste for Ann Coulter. I completely agree with everything she says, which I think is a very tidy example of how people with differing political views can find a happy middle ground.
I really rambled a lot to post a couple of links, didn't I? Read them anyhow, because they're quick and you like me.
*This is completely my opinion on the flaws of the electoral college, which I would be more than happy to spell out for you if you'd likeLabels: everyday musings, rambling
Boomerang*
I just dressed as a giant pig. I was Puddle, of
Toot and Puddle fame, and it may be the cutest I've ever been. It seems like a great way to start the weekend.
Yesterday I mentioned that I am enjoying making my food look pretty. I am also enjoying photographing said food. Therefore, this weekend, I am going to take pictures of everything I eat. It'll be quirky, not weird, and I will be amused - that means it's worth it, kittens.
I saw
Slumdog Millionaire last night, which was as excellent as I'd heard. I'm very happy that I spent $6.50 to do it. While there I drank a Cherry Coke (because this is the world's strangest theater and doesn't carry Dr. Pepper - the Cherry Coke was a nostalgia choice) and ate half of a movie-size box of Sweet Tarts. This meant that when I got home at 11:30, I was completely effing wired. I put away all of my clothes, tidied things up a bit, and attempted to vacuum.
They are calling for rain that turns into snow over night. I am excited at the prospect and will completely ignore anything that is said that is contrary to my excitement.
That's all. I'll make an effort to write something that is actually cohesive soon!
*If you understand the title, I will give you a cookie.Labels: rambling
List: Because I Don't Want to Ramble
There is a cat - not one of my own - sleeping on top of my ancient computer monitor. She is snoring.
Brisket is very, very tasty stuff.
I adore period films when they are well done. I have recently watched
Brideshead Revisited,
The Duchess, and
Elizabeth: The Golden Age. All well done, and all made me happy.
Checking the mail is more fun when you're expecting fun things. It's also better when the mailbox is on your porch instead of down the hall, up a flight of stairs, and requires a key.
I actually like
Grease 2.
Apparently I am capable of making situations awkward when I'm not even trying - and I don't recognize it. I find this fascinating and wonder how awkward I could make a situation if I was trying.
I have no less than four advance proofs of various books in my bedroom that I want to read, but probably won't manage before the books appear in the store.
I was encouraged, repeatedly, to audition for a role in a small student film (yes, a legitimate one, not a naked one). I refused on the grounds that I am an excellent liar, but unconvinced of my acting abilities. This is true of scripted acting, but I know that I am excellent at deceiving those around me.
Happy Mardi Gras! I have a job where I am encouraged to wear sparkly plastic beads to celebrate the holiday. I find this fabulous on many levels, not the least of which is the fact that the string of blue beads complimented both my outfit and my eyes perfectly.
I really want a weekend at home. It includes cheeseburgers which I also enjoy.
I need a haircut. I want to get my hair colored again.
I am capable of rambling even when I write things in bullet points.
Labels: lists, rambling
Bright Young People and Plans of Action
First, this photograph makes me smile at its absurdity. Go ahead and judge me, I'm feeling sassy today.
Today is one of those days when it feels appropriate to tell you what I spent my day doing rather than making myself write something of substance. I'm not a big fan of reading blogs like that, so why would I write one? Because, my friends, I am an egocentric little girl. You will read about my day and you will find some sort of amusement in it, damn it!
It's probably a good thing that I'm cute.
Following a conversation earlier this week with a co-worker*, I woke up and decided that the best way to start my Sunday afternoon (because I slept till 11:30) was to sit in Panera with a bagel and my new book until the fact that my feet don't touch the floor in their chairs started making me uncomfortable. A blueberry bagel, a cup of coffee, and half a dozen fabulous party recaps later, I headed home, my brain buzzing with ideas for characters and scenarios. This book,
Bright Young People is discussing the lives of those in that group from 1920s England. While the book is striving to prove this notion untrue, the general belief is that it was a group of men and women in their mid- to late-twenties who did nothing but throw lavish parties and enjoy lives of leisure. I adore the idea of writing about such a group of people, a cross between the Bright Young People and the kids on
Gossip Girl with the tiniest hint of Sebastian from
Cruel Intentions. Modernized. I adore this idea already.
I also signed up for a Netflix free trial this afternoon since I have a certain address for the moment. I can already see how this is going to go, after spending hours rating and browsing through movies and television shows, rediscovering things I haven't thought about in years that I will inevitably add to my queue and forget about completely until one day they appear in my mailbox. I'm wonderfully okay with that.
Finally, I decided that it is time for a change in my life. Experts have decided that it takes four weeks to cultivate a change in your life: to form new habits, particularly. Gala began a Transformation Challenge over at iCiNG a couple of weeks ago, while I was still sans-internet, or else I would have started with her, I'm sure. As it stands, I am going to start tomorrow, and my big goal is to cultivate in myself a better attitude. I will strive to complain less, attempt to see the bright side of negative situations, be grateful every day for the things that I do have, and to manifest my attitude outwardly by behaving in a charming manner. It feels big, but in the lovliest way possible. My action plan is as follows:
- to begin each day by reading any one of the dozens of positive and uplifting things that I look at on a regular basis. The Awe-Manac or Notes from the Universe on my nightstand, Daily Om, Notes from the Universe in my e-mail, or somewhere else. It doesn't matter as long as what I'm reading is positive.
- to take ten seconds to stand still, breathe, and think carefully if at any time I become wildly impatient, frustrated, offended, dejected, or simply begin to feel nasty.
- to remind myself at every single opportunity that I cannot change the people around me, but I can change the way I react to those people.
- to write, on paper, each day, the things that I am grateful for, ideally first thing in the morning or right before bed.
I like action plans, and I'm going to keep posting about how I'm doing here because, well, it's my blog and I can do as I please.
Really, it's very lucky that I'm cute.
*I may recount that for you later this week, if anyone chooses to question it.Labels: everyday musings, personal growth, rambling
This is Not a Real Post
Today, I am going to wear a lot of eyeliner, just because it seems like the thing to do.
Yesterday was a rough day at work. I was there early even though there wasn't really any reason for me to be - it does not take seven people to do what had to be done yesterday morning - which of course made me all sorts of pissy.
I am an irritable person. I hate being up early and I hate dealing with stupid people. When you combine those two things, adding in someone that I don't like, I will not be a nice person. The management staff has figured that out now, thankfully. When I am needed and working with people who do not suck, I do just fine with early mornings. Yesterday was not one of those days.
By 1 pm, I was texting Bradshaw to tell her that I was either going to snap on someone or burst into tears. I spent the last three hours I was working avoiding the person I wanted to yell at and blinking back tears. Part of me wanted to get sloppy drunk on my couch, watch something sappy, and wallow in my mood. The other part, which prevailed, wanted to take a 5-hour nap. And so I did.
I realized, when I was thinking about how much I want to get away, that I haven't been at home at the same time as my parents since, I think, July. I was there in September, but they were on vacation. This is not okay. The schedule for the week of Thanksgiving was posted, and I'm going to be able to be home by Tuesday night - I get off at 4 that day - and not be back until 4 that Friday afternoon. I am looking forward to that whopping three days at home, watching my cat be bitchy and not having to go to work and be nice to people. I'll be able to walk around in jeans and hoodies without feeling like I'm breaking my own new rules about what I can wear in public.
I'm going to concentrate on Thanksgiving and putting up my Christmas tree (which I want to do this Friday, though I'm going to wait until next Friday instead). I'm making lists of gifts I want to get for people and how I'll be sending a trio of care packages around the country.* This, right here, is your chance to tell me what you want for Christmas! I have a few half-formed ideas, but I need some guidance, ladies.
Good grief, I have no train of thought in this thing. You'll get a real post soon, I promise. Really.
*There would be four, but you kind of suck. You know who you are.
Labels: rambling
cute lantern lights to decorate the little patio outside my window. Then I headed to Wal-Mart for groceries and flowers - which are way too pretty to explain. While the lady was checking me out, I realized how insane my purchases seemed. Potting soil, plants, pots, two quarts of motor oil, a package of men's tank tops (for layering), baby wipes (to remove makeup), and assorted grocery items. To her credit, she didn't comment.
First, this photograph makes me smile at its absurdity. Go ahead and judge me, I'm feeling sassy today.
