An Unintentionally Cryptic Post
Sometimes, a girl wants to keep something to herself, away from everyone else for the moment. I'm not usually that girl; I tend to prefer to demand the attention and give everyone all of the details of a situation at once. Now, however, I think I will be better served to keep it to myself.
Last night, I received a lovely affirmation from a man who barely knows me. He told me that upon first meeting, I was "cute and interesting." Upon first meeting, I usually come across as snooty (because I tend to be quiet and observant when I first meet someone) or overbearing (in those moments when I let what I really think fly). Hearing from someone that neither was true - at least in that particular situation - was nice.
I like the idea of holding out and seeing what there is to see. More and more I'm liking the ideas of anticipation and jumping right into something that might make me uncomfortable. I've been living in a box for far too long, and it's getting to be too much for me. Maybe if I take the chance and jump off the precipice, something great will come from it. And, honestly, can anything too terrible come from it?
Labels: boys, personal growth
Things I Love Thursday
If you click the badge above, you will see that I have shamelessly stolen this idea from Gala - and I could think of no better day to kick it off than on the greatest day to give thanks. At least, the greatest day for Americans! It's all about gratitude and recognizing that there are things that I love, in spite of whatever is driving me crazy in a particular moment.
- My Christmas Tree I always love my tree, because I adore Christmas and all of the trappings that go along with it. This year is a new adventure since I've never had a tree with the kitties, but apart from a bit of branch-gnawing on Puck's part and one shattered ornament, they've been pretty good. In fact, Puck's new favorite nap spot is under the tree.
- The cat's eye Makeup is fun, and since I'm not doing anything that is overly professional, I intend to have fun with mine on a daily basis. Enter the cat's eye! A small brush and some Bare Minerals eyeshadow with a bit of liner sealer leaves me with an inky, long-lasting, interesting look that I've received tons of compliments on in the last week. I shall continue this trend until it is no longer fun (or until I oversleep and don't have the five minutes to devote to eyeliner).
- Coffee I realized this morning at about 11 that I am no longer only psychologically addicted to coffee, but physically addicted as well. Caffiene headaches are no good; coffee is very, very good. I am okay with drinking lots of coffee every day.
- New friends We may only be work friends for now, but I adore this girl. She is super sweet, super positive, and is tons of fun to work with so far. I received a text message from her this morning which read, "I am thankful for you! Happy Thanksgiving!" I adore that.
- Work spouses I have a work husband, and going to work and knowing that we're working together makes the days better. Without discussing it, we've become each other's good mood cheerleaders, doing our best to keep each other positive.
- Mashed potatoes Food of the gods, methinks.
- Playing a character Lately, when I get dressed I think about what someone else would wear. What would Audrey wear? Or Marilyn? Or Anne Boleyn? Or a 1940s flirt? Or Rory Gilmore? I've drawn from a whole group of influences, and I'm having a ton of fun with it. The best days so far: Anne Boleyn and the 1940s. Too effing cute.
- Positivity I'm trying. I'm really, genuinely trying. Being upset and irritable and frustrated all the time is exhausting and the opposite of productive. I'm trying very hard to be the girl I used to be, at least in attitude. I am a girl now who is more jaded and damaged and cynical. I am also a girl who is smarter and more self-assured and better able to control myself, and I intend to use this to my advantage.
- Honorable mentions gingerbread lattes; tomorrow's kickoff of the Calendar o' Fun; planning Christmas presents for people I adore; A Fine Frenzy - my favorite thing to sing in the car lately; doing different things at work from time to time; winter coats and scarves; the forecasted chance for snow flurries on Sunday; unexpected friendships, however brief; taking chances; Dr. Pepper - even if it's bad for me, it's delicious.
Take a moment and tell me what you love this week!
Labels: TILT
Is Change Possible?
Question: Would you want to be around someone who behaves the way you do?
Answer: No, I wouldn't.
I think that's the sign that it's time for something to change. Once upon a time, in a time far from this one, I was a cheerful, generally happy person. Now I am introverted, easily irritated (my neighbor's music is making my eye twitch as I type this), snotty, and judgmental. I spend far more time considering how my life is worse than someone else's than realizing that there are people out there whose lives are infinitely worse than my own. I no longer have a valid excuse for my behavior, and more than that, I'm tired of feeling this way all the time.
I don't know what I'm going to do, but something different needs to happen, and it needs to happen soon.
Labels: funk, my insanity
Simple Pleasures
Yesterday, I met the governor of Arkansas, Mike Huckabee, and while I am mostly apathetic about him and his politics, I always like to look nice when I meet new people. About an hour before he was set to arrive for his book signing, I ducked into the restroom. My cat's eye eyeliner was still going strong, the patent leather belt cinched at my waist over my sweater was doing its job to make me look thin, and the black pencil skirt was fitted lovely and free of kitten hair. I looked very presentable, certainly nothing to offend even the most conservative of politicians and customers.
Then, as I adjusted the headband in my hair, I had a wicked, wonderful thought that came into my head: I wasn't wearing any panties.
Labels: everyday amusements
Seen and Heard: Nic and Bradshaw
Scene: Bradshaw has just sneezed twice, and I have continued to speak without interrupting myself for the obligatory "bless you." She sneezes a third time.Nic: Bless you.
Bradshaw: Thanks.
Nic: I could tell that you were going to do it again, so I thought I'd save the words and just say it once.
Bradshaw: You could tell I was going to sneeze? That's an interesting skill.
Nic: Yeah, not really useful, but interesting.
Bradshaw: Like small penises.
Nic: laughs, then pauses Wait, how are small penises interesting?
Bradshaw: Because when you look at them you say, Aw, it's so little!
(pronounced "leetle")Nic: laughs more Oh my god, you just said that like you were talking about a kitten!
Bradshaw: Yes, but small penises don't make me sneeze.
And these are the things that happen when Bradshaw and I just sit down for a simple dinner. I love her.
Labels: eavesdropping
Promise
Bradshaw is coming for the weekend! Tonight there shall be dinner and booze, tomorrow there shall be dinner and booze, and Nic will be at work for a Christmas meeting at 7:30 on Sunday morning. There is far too much going on to organize my thoughts enough for an interesting and coherent post. However, there is one forthcoming, likely related to the seriously fascinating book I'm reading,
Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You.Excuse me while I finish vacuuming, dancing to fun music, and giving myself cat's eyes with eyeliner.
Labels: updates
This is Not a Real Post
Today, I am going to wear a lot of eyeliner, just because it seems like the thing to do.
Yesterday was a rough day at work. I was there early even though there wasn't really any reason for me to be - it does not take seven people to do what had to be done yesterday morning - which of course made me all sorts of pissy.
I am an irritable person. I hate being up early and I hate dealing with stupid people. When you combine those two things, adding in someone that I don't like, I will not be a nice person. The management staff has figured that out now, thankfully. When I am needed and working with people who do not suck, I do just fine with early mornings. Yesterday was not one of those days.
By 1 pm, I was texting Bradshaw to tell her that I was either going to snap on someone or burst into tears. I spent the last three hours I was working avoiding the person I wanted to yell at and blinking back tears. Part of me wanted to get sloppy drunk on my couch, watch something sappy, and wallow in my mood. The other part, which prevailed, wanted to take a 5-hour nap. And so I did.
I realized, when I was thinking about how much I want to get away, that I haven't been at home at the same time as my parents since, I think, July. I was there in September, but they were on vacation. This is not okay. The schedule for the week of Thanksgiving was posted, and I'm going to be able to be home by Tuesday night - I get off at 4 that day - and not be back until 4 that Friday afternoon. I am looking forward to that whopping three days at home, watching my cat be bitchy and not having to go to work and be nice to people. I'll be able to walk around in jeans and hoodies without feeling like I'm breaking my own new rules about what I can wear in public.
I'm going to concentrate on Thanksgiving and putting up my Christmas tree (which I want to do this Friday, though I'm going to wait until next Friday instead). I'm making lists of gifts I want to get for people and how I'll be sending a trio of care packages around the country.* This, right here, is your chance to tell me what you want for Christmas! I have a few half-formed ideas, but I need some guidance, ladies.
Good grief, I have no train of thought in this thing. You'll get a real post soon, I promise. Really.
*There would be four, but you kind of suck. You know who you are.
Labels: rambling
Breakfast at Tiffany's
I am obsessed with
Breakfast at Tiffany's. I love it; I love nearly everything about it. In the last two weeks, I have watched it no less than half a dozen times, and I have had dreams related somehow to the movie three times. Each time I watch it, I notice something new, and I never get tired of it.
I'm torn between wanting to be like Audrey Hepburn or being Holly Golightly - and yes, they are radically different. Either way, here is a list of things I would like, inspired by the film.
Big sunglasses. They don't suit my face or my very small features, but that doesn't stop me from wanting them.
The all-pink outfit. The scene is sad, but the outfit - shoes, dress, jewelry - is divine and so very me.
The poise to consistently modulate my voice. Holly flirts with her eyes first, then her voice and with the tilt of her head. It's lovely and, in my opinion, underrated. Why show off cleavage when you can have a lovely, seductive voice?
A sleep mask. Preferably one with eyelashes on it. The earplugs would make me dotty, but are the kind of thing that I would put in a little jewelry dish on a night stand as a lovely decoration.
A boy to get me drunk in a strip club in the middle of the day. I adore the scene, the woman in the white dress, and this exchange:
Holly: Do you think she's talented? Deeply and importantly talented?
Paul: No. Amusingly and superficially talented, yes, but deeply and importantly, no.
Truman Capote's novel. They say Marilyn Monroe was envisioned as Holly Golightly, not Audrey. Audrey's so perfect. I want to read the novel and see where my imagination takes me.
A couch fashioned from - or like - an antique bathtub. To sit in a bedroom, more likely to be used by me as a dropping point for stray clothes than for lounging, but still fun and lovely.
My own personal "Fred." Someone who seems almost enthralled when he listens to me talk adn does silly things and puts up with my obvious craziness and looks after me and tells me off when I'm being ridiculous and will look for my cat in the rain and professes his love for me.
I fear that in the years between then and now, having gone, as a society, through Vietnam and free love and glam rock and heroin chic and the technology boom and the years of the Bush administration, that man has disappeared. Still, I shall hope.
Labels: everyday amusements, lists
Bits
Driving home from work just now, I saw someone's pro-McCain bumper sticker. In my head, I snickered. I'm happy, but I'm that my reaction to seeing these things means that I'm at least a little bit evil deep down.
I urge you, the next time you are in a bookstore, to take a moment to appreciate the amount of time it takes to make that many tables and displays look perfect; I would also remind you that doing
all of those displays within a week's time is not an easy task. It is stressful and frustrating and it means that Nic had to be awake before 6 am for five days in a row.
Lately, I've been drawn to creative, artistic projects. I'm not a terribly artistic person. I went through a scrapbooking phase in high school, and while what I got through doesn't look half bad, it isn't the impressive sort of things that you see from a stereotypical stay-at-home doting mother. I can't draw, I don't paint well, and sewing doesn't really make me want to jump up and down. Perhaps the most artistic thing about me, visually, is my handwriting (which is lovely if I do say so myself). Walking through Hobby Lobby, however, is a dangerous endeavor for anyone who is as prone to making Grand Plans as I am. I find myself drawn to beads and rubber stamps and pretty paper. So this weekend, I have decided to devote myself to creative endeavors. I'm going to stamp and cut and paste and write - both physically and in the creative sense.
Of course, I'll be doing these creative things between napping and eating and maybe cleaning my kitchen. (There I go again with those Grand Plans.)
Labels: everyday musings
VOTE!
I urge you all to vote, whichever way speaks to your mind or your heart. I, for one, am sitting here, hoping that tonight I will have a reason to celebrate.
It makes me feel like wearing red, white, and blue.
Labels: celebration
In My Bag
I cleaned out my purse yesterday, and clearly it was about time. The contents of my purse were as follows (left to right):
my wallet and checkbook (with cash)
my new voter registration card
a small pink Moleskine notebook with pen (taken from work)
23 weeks of paycheck stubs
a huge pile of change, including 76 pennies
two half-empty packs of Orbit gum
two lipsticks, two lip glosses, and a lip balm
a compact mirror, hair clip, ibuprofen, lint-removal sheets, and an emergency tampon
one yogurt lid to be sent in, plus a pile of receipts and assorted scraps of paper
my nametag for work, complete with Breaking Dawn button and zero-balance gift card
my non-everyday keys (mostly to things back home)
sunglasses
assorted things including a dragon book button, bug-shaped eraser, paperclip, four sterling rings, and three rubber bracelets
I removed the paycheck stubs (shredded), change, the assorted scraps of paper (recycled), and all of the random things. All of the rest went back in to be toted around tomorrow. I think I should probably do this more often. I mean, twenty-three stubs? Really?
Labels: everyday amusements, photoblog
Love and Loathe
Love:
Breakfast at Tiffany's I've watched it half a dozen times in the last week, have fallen asleep to it, and have had dreams related to jewelry, fashion, or men with slicked hair three times. I kind of want to be Holly Golightly - even if it does mean being a high-class hooker.
Not eating chips They're a constant on my grocery shopping list and I usually eat the hell out of them, but lately, no interest. I've had the same three half-empty bags sitting in my kitchen for two weeks and I think the last time I ate any was on Wednesday. This is a record for me, people.
My hair I am a first-timer with this hair color thing, and I am quite pleased with the results. I'm already thinking of going more intense next time. (Next time!)
Rubber stamps I made the mistake of going into Hobby Lobby yesterday and came out with two new stamps and two new ink pads. I also bought a large-size Moleskine with plain pages and have started sticking in things I like and stamping the pages. I see a temporary obsession forming - one that leads to silver-and-blue stained fingers.
Little bits of organization I spent about an hour today hanging clothes in my closet (the hall closet; I get dressed there anyhow) and sorting shits and intimates into drawers. I put all of my handbags in a little bin on the shelf in the closet, sorted my jewelry into appropriate places...and then my energy fizzled before I managed to do anything with my shoes. Oh well.
The end of Daylight Savings I hate Daylight Savings and I always have. Getting my hour back, however, and waking up when my body thought it was 10:30 - that's fabulous.
Voting I am so excited to go vote on Tuesday. I'm ignoring the niggling fear of what could happen and choose to be hopeful about what may come.
Eyelashes I love mine, and I decided to revisit Benefit's BADgal last mascara. It was given to me as a gift a few years ago, and I didn't love it - it's certainly not for everyday wear since I find it smudges a bit - but it does give me lovely lashes. Right now it's the only makeup I'm wearing.
Lazy SundaysLoathe:Feeling guilty about not doing houseworkSeeing estranged family members while out shopping Just hearing the voice made me shudder.
Unpredictable weather It's freezing when I get up, uncomfortably warm when I leave work. I keep flipping back and forth between the heater and the air conditioner and I am not a fan of carrying a coat around or shivering as I drive to work.
Working at 7:30 every day this week and doing the same thing all the time I'm going to try to stay positive.
Worrying about other people This obsessing and dissecting and stressing and feeling personally responsible shit is just not okay.
Missing the UPS guy My new eyeshadow was scheduled to come on Friday. I was home until 3:15 - and he came at 4. The note he left says that he's coming back after 5 tomorrow, which is okay since I should be home, but frustrates me. If I wasn't home before 5 on Friday, what makes you think, logically, that I will be on Monday? Delivery companies are ridiculous.
What are you loving and loathing lately?
Labels: love and loathe
