Things I Love Thursday
Pre-schoolers Despite yesterday's post, I had a lot of fun in my two days as a pre-school teacher. With the exception of the tantrum kid, this was a group of bright, cheerful, adorable little kids who play house and make abstract art. And not once was I annoyed by being called "teacher" instead of Ms. Nic.
Inspiration It's about effing time. And it's not just the abstract sort of inspiration I usually have; it's like the planets have finally aligned to bring it together in a way that has potential to come to fruition. I think that probably sounds cryptic. It's not meant to, I'm just really pleased.
Planning baths You already know I'm insane and like to make plans. My parents are going to be on vacation for a couple of weeks, and that means I can take a long, hot bath whenever I want! No worrying about inconveniencing anyone or being naked when they get home. Some day, I will have a disposable income. And I will remodel the bathroom in my house so I can have a tub. I really like baths.
Being able to cook soon In the last year, I've gotten used to cooking dinner nearly every night. For the last few weeks, I've been working evenings at my parents' restaurant and either eating there or throwing together something completely weird when I get home. While they're gone, I'll get to cook again. I miss cooking. And apparently my entire TILT is going to be anticipatory.
Glitter and confetti parsnips; losing entire days to marathons on TV - this should probably annoy me, but I like it; learning about the tea party coloring book for kids - both extremely amusing and completely terrifying; actually managing to get eighteen milk cartons open without using my fingernails - I never get that lucky; being able to talk about teaching with another educator; "you dress like one of the bait girls on
To Catch a Predator"; "good hair days (although, hate me if you must, I don't have a lot of particularly bad ones); the enormous chrysanthemum blooming next to my door and the lantana getting beautiful one more time; a freezer full of deliciousness; using the laptop in bed (again.); a dad who will kill the enormous wasp colonies outside my house for me; Nutella; stacks of books to read; throwing things together and getting a delicious outcome; little bits; Philippa Gregory's
The Red Queen waiting to be read in my living room.
Please, lovelies, tell me what's making you smile this week!
Labels: TILT
In Which Four-Year-Olds Squished My Brain
I had a post planned in my head. Then I spent the day substitute teaching in a preschool classroom. One little boy spent the entire morning having a tantrum. It began with a simple refusal to do what he was asked. It ended with screaming and banging his hands and feet against the wall until his parents were called to come get him.
I'm exhausted. Anything I write will be flatter than my hair.
Labels: teaching
Douse the Sunrise
"Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with."
Drew Sirtors
collage source unknown, but not made by me
Labels: quotation
Celebrating Autumn
I once put a lot of energy into writing a
missive about how much I hate autumn. I realize now that, while autumn isn't my favorite season, part of my prior hatred was the result of being forced to be outside walking to class during the bits of fall that are less enjoyable. Those chilly rainshowers that are so great for drinking coffee and reading books are not so great for walking to class.
But, in the spirit of recognizing that I don't actually hate autumn and celebrating the good rather than lamenting the bad, I've composed a list of things about autumn that I love.
- not listening to a running air conditioner (why are they so loud?)
- cardigans
- blooming chrysanthemums
- the handful of trees that turn pretty colors here (instead of just brown and dead)
- wearing tights
- extra-delicious apples
- the end of daylight savings time
- making and eating soup all the time
- new episodes of scripted television
- Halloween
- trench coat temperatures
- the yearly compulsion to buy school supplies
- spending rainy days reading inside
- the end of "beach book" buzz
- cranberries
- taking long, hot baths
- hot, spiced apple cider
- Thanksgiving
- attending football games
- cashmere
Labels: everyday musings, lists
Happier
Labels: image, inspiration
Things I Love Thursday
Embracing my old lady-ness Really, guys. I live alone with two cats, make others eat things I bake, engage in a whole host of old lady pursuits, and watch TV with the volume too loud.* I'm very particular about my space, I have tissues and ibuprofen in my purse, and I watch the squawking that is
The View. I was already the crazy cat lady forty or fifty years early; now I'm a 24-year-old senior citizen.
Slow mornings I'm ready for a full-time job and I love substituting (and the money it makes), but I really love my slow, easy weekday mornings. I drink coffee sip-by-sip while watching
Good Morning America. I have time to make breakfast if I want or wander around outside or read during commercials (ever the multi-tasker). I also get to sleep in. You see,
Good Morning America is on at 6 am in my time zone, but I have DirecTV. They give me the west coast broadcast of the four networks, which means I get to watch
GMA at 9 am instead. So this week I also love DirecTV.
Unclogging the vacuum Two Christmases ago, my parents gave me a vacuum (yes, a not-so-subtle hint). When living with the Roommate, she clogged it, put it back in the closet, and never said a word. Excellent. So when I moved back to Small Town, I started using the ancient-but-still-effective vacuum my grandmother had been using since the 70s. But it's heavy and cumbersome, so Sunday afternoon I decided to rip apart the fancy new upright. Giant masses of white hair and dust came out, and now the vacuum sucks! Because a vacuum is, after all, one of the few things you want to suck. (Oh, yes. Dirty.)
Food While reading my list, I realized how many of my things related to food. So, all together! Menu planning and grocery shopping accordingly - much better than running to the store a couple of times a week to grab a handful of things; berry smoothies; mini bananas, no matter how over-priced they were - so cute!; from-scratch
mac and cheese with spinach and sun-dried tomatoes - read the recipe and try it, because it's really good; coffee caramel hard candies; Italian-style bread to use as a vehicle for homemade tomato jam; buying lots of apples and planning to cook with them.
"There is something about words. In expert hands, manipulated deftly, they take you prisoner. Wind themselves around your limbs like spider silk, and when you are so enthralled you cannot move, they pierce your skin, enter your blood, numb your thoughts. Inside you they work their magic."
Diane Setterfield,
The Thirteenth TaleHawk has a blog! And I already love it. Go read it:
Sobriety is Hardcore. You remember:
Hawk is my fiancee.
Just a pinch learning about my own influence; clean blankets warm from the dryer; getting paid for big chunks of free time, which I use to read; improving others' grammar - I will never give up!; fun songs on the radio during the drive home, especially when it's a song I've been thinking about for a few days; tulip and hyacinth bulbs to plant and enjoy in the spring; the wonders of modern medicine: drugs that get rid of sinus headaches make life bearable; season premieres of
House, Glee, and
Gossip Girl; making a point of saying hello; believing; repeatedly resisting temptation; school supplies on sale - I love Post-Its; cleaning out my fridge (just a little, but it needs a
real cleaning), seeing how excited my mom is about her upcoming vacation; magazine subscriptions - I now get
Vanity Fair, Everyday Food, and
Whole Living each month, and read Mom's
Better Homes and Gardens after she's finished with it - I really like magazines.
Tell me, kittens, what's making you love life this week? Remember, it's only polite to share.
*There is a reason for that. My hearing was damaged when I was little and my couch is right in front of the (not quiet) air conditioner. If I sit elsewhere, I realize just how loud it is. But of course I'm not going to sit elsewhere!Labels: TILT
Choices
"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
Albus Dumbledore
Obviously the work of J.K. Rowling. When I wrote this down, I didn't think it was important to specify which book it came from. If you're sure (I think I know), give me a head's up.Labels: quotation
Influential
I spent my evenings last week - and probably for the next couple of weeks - working at my parents' restaurant. They work with a small staff, and one of their employees was in an accident, so I've stepped in to cover her shifts for the time being. Friday night, I learned that I have a greater influence on others than I'd realized.
We're basically a burgers-and-fries place, and evening employees are typically girls in high school, and most evenings five people plus the cook take care of everything, and it's pretty simple to follow. It's a job that requires communicating and paying attention, but there's nothing about it that's hard. There's always downtime, which of course leads to chatting. Often banal, sometimes enlightening chatting.
I take issue with one current employee, who I am going to call B. He is twenty-four, like me, and got his job because he was dating a then-sixteen-year-old employee. (She's now 18. Yes, I still think he's too old for her.) I try very hard not to judge people. Okay, I try very hard to keep my judgment of people to myself instead of saying it out loud (or posting it on the internet). But this kid makes me crazy. We are the same age, but couldn't be in more different places in life. I may not be a pinnacle of success and determination, but I'm educated and I take care of myself. I pay attention to the world around me and maintain a certain level of social awareness. B fits right in with the teenage girls at the restaurant because his maturity level is right on par with theirs. He's not terribly intelligent and also lacks common sense, and he's consistently making that very obvious to those around him. He has a tendency to chatter even more than the teenage girls he's working with.
I think that, both on the surface and deep down, I am a kind person. I make an effort to bring people up instead of putting them down, and I think everyone deserves to be treated with respect. That said, I am intensely mean to B. Beyond the fact that I think he's an idiot and a little gross for dating a girl in high school, every time he speaks I have a single thought: "Shut up." I almost never say the phrase "shut up" - I think it's exceptionally rude - and I think it little more often than I say it. But every single time he speaks, I want to tell him to shut up. Instead, I'm just mean to him. I make passive-aggressive comments, mutter horrible things under my breath that only he can hear, and cut him down in front of the room with regularity. All things that I wouldn't feel compelled to do if he would only keep his mouth shut!
I need to pause here and say that I'm not exactly proud of the things I just wrote.
Typically, I work with only one of my parents at a time, usually my dad, but Friday night, they were both there. We were finishing up for the night when my mom paused to get a drink near where I was standing. "B talks a lot less when you're here," she commented. I was surprised - I still think he talks too much - so I confirmed her statement with my dad and one of the other girls. And it made me think.
Unless we're told, we have no idea how our presence effects those around us. We're very aware of how others make us feel: the friend who puts us at ease, the teacher who makes us feel brilliant, that guy who icks you out a bit. But how does your presence make others feel?
If I were a better person, I might feel bad about what I learned about B. I don't. But it does make me think about how I influence others, and I think B is probably an exception. I'd like to believe that I make others feel better, generally, and that is a goal that I work towards. As a teacher, I will work with teenagers, and substituting puts me in contact with even younger kids, and I think it's important to make every effort to be a good influence in every way.
How do I make you feel? What sort of feelings would you like to elicit in those around you?
Labels: everyday musings, work
Things I Love Thursday
Books Reading articles about them on The Daily Beast, ordering them online, checking them out from the library - everything about them makes me happy. Like everything in my life, I read books in phases, and right now I'm in a books-with-substance phase, quite different from my nonfiction, young adult, and romance novel phases. Love books so much.
Lady Gaga on the VMAs With the exception of the meat dress (it icked me out), I was pretty happy with Gaga Sunday night. She wore McQueen because the designer provided the clothes for her much-nominated (and much-awarded) "Bad Romance" video, and while I thought that we'd moved past the armadillo heels, I'm pretty sure she's the only one who could actually wear them in public instead of just for a photo shoot. She walked the carpet with soldiers discharged due to the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, honored the late McQueen in one of her acceptance speeches, and told the cast of Glee that she loves them. Cher presented her the award for Video of the Year, and all I could think as the two of them stood there was how excited "the gays" (as Kathy Griffin would say) must have been. Cher and Gaga! Love love love.
Luck Fate. Whatever you want to call it. There was an accident last night at the end of the road I live on that I may very well have been a part of if I hadn't stopped to get gas on my way home. It seems simple, and it is, but I'm grateful either way.
Inspiration It comes from rain and quiet and the beautiful words of others. Now, I need to combine that with motivation and good timing and a healthy pinch of luck.
“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”
Virginia Woolf
Extra Credit Johnny Weir on
The Rachel Zoe Project; "I have shoes older than most of tonight's nominees."; Mom-made (better than homemade) vegetable beef stew; blasts from the past - and all the better when they put cash in my pocket; the season premiere of
Gossip Girl waiting on the parents' DVR for my viewing pleasure; writing letters to the future-me; "you think you know me"; employing my baking skills to endear myself to my future boss and the very nice secretary who gives me work now; "they actually taste chocolatey instead of just being brown" - my goal, so that comment was much appreciated; so-cute kittens; painting my door pink - picture forthcoming!; gchats with Ms. B; lovely things on Tumblr; feline reactions to peacock calls on TV; playing Monopoly Here and Now on my computer; feeling more certain of myself; planning a rainy-evening dinner.
Labels: TILT
Idyllic
Today, the sky is rumbly and dark. The dampness makes it seem cooler than it is. It's the perfect afternoon to curl up on the couch with a cozy blanket and a feline footwarmer, drinking a cup of Lady Grey while reading
The Thirteenth Tale. Perfection.
Labels: everyday musings, weather
Memories
"Memories are absurd things. Some are vague, some crystalline, some too painful to recollect and some so painful it’s impossible to forget. Happy times are remembered with warmth and laughter, recalled as an anecdote in the pub, exaggerated for the crowd. The really good ones keep you company on an otherwise lonely evening. The clearest memories are of those occasions when you experience great highs or lows. It’s the emotion the situation inspires that you remember. That feeling of incredible exultation or terrible despair enables your brain to note the details that normally pass you by, like the color of someone’s shirt, a hand gesture or how warm or cold it was."
Anna McPartlinPack Up the MoonLabels: quotation
Questions and Wonder
When I was a freshman in college, four high school students in my hometown were in a car accident the night before Thanksgiving. Three of those students worked for my parents - and therefore with me, on weekends - so I had some interest in the circumstances and outcomes of the situation. Three boys and a girl. They were in her car, though she wasn't driving. We'd had an early freeze, so there were patches of ice to watch out for on the rural highway they were traveling.
Racing on, actually. Because that's one of the things that particular hilly, straight stretch of rural highway is good for. I have to admit that I've done it, too. However, I didn't do it driving someone else's car after I'd been drinking. That was, unfortunately, the combination of circumstances that led to the accident that Wednesday evening.
Everyone but the driver was ejected from the vehicle, despite later claims that everyone had been wearing seatbelts. Their shoes were literally pulled from their feet by the force, because they were each found barefoot in the middle of the cold pasture on the west side of the road. One of the boys suffered a broken arm and collarbone. Another boy suffered a broken femur that punctured the skin. He later needed skin grafts, like a burn victim, to repair skin that split when it swelled too quickly to stretch. The girl died, instantly they believe, of a broken neck.
The driver walked away with a mild concussion and some bruises.
As weeks slipped by, more information started to come out, most notably that the 18-year-old driver had been drinking earlier in the evening and had been driving recklessly (well over 90 mph) despite the iffy road conditions. The girl's family agreed to press charges. The other boys involved in the accident were in the impossible position of saying things about their friend that were true but had the potential to destroy his life; of course, they'd also lost a friend in the girl.
Things were long and drawn out, and I honestly can't remember what the outcome was. He may have been fined or sentenced to community service, though I don't believe he was ever sentenced to spend time in prison. He was a kid known for recklessness and a bad attitude, and popular opinion seemed to run pretty consistently to the burn-him-at-the-stake position. I thought he should be expected to pay for his poor decisions. I didn't thinking that living with the knowledge that he was at least partially responsible for killing her, his friend, an eighteen-year-old high school student, was enough punishment.
Now, it's less clear.
Without consequences, our choices are all ego-driven. Without the positive consequence of money, many of us wouldn't go to work each day. Without the negative consequence of losing recess time, kindergarten students would chatter constantly. We forget that consequence is a neutral word, but perhaps that's because negative consequences seem to carry more weight in the human psyche. We are more concerned about punishments than we are rewards. But that's another discussion.
Whatever the eventual outside consequences for his actions were, the driver still has to live every day knowing that he contributed to the death of another person. He now manages the meat department at the local grocery store, so I see him fairly regularly, both in my own shopping and in running occasional errands for my parents' restaurant. I'm not sure that he was ever a young man who was destined for "great things," but I wonder if he could have attained more without this set of circumstances hanging over his head.
He and this girl had dated a time or two, in that small town, high school way, in which, I think, teenagers go back to the same person over and over because there aren't any other options. I can't remember if they were on or off. Maybe he was in love with her. Maybe he wasn't, but on some level he had to care.
Every time I see him, I think about her, but because I wonder how he copes with that knowledge. I wonder what it was like to grieve when so many were placing the blame squarely on his shoulders. I wonder if he ever feels like people are still blaming him, because I know how near impossible it is to ever escape your past in your hometown. I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't take an extra minute to be kind to him, if he would be appreciative or confused or annoyed.
I wonder if he realizes that someone he barely knows spends this much energy thinking about him.
Labels: everyday musings
Things I Love Thursday
Mmm, Thursday! This week, I am enjoying the following:
Little kids Tuesday, I substituted at my elementary school. Leaving my classroom-for-the-day to pick up the class from the library, I walked past the first grade hallway and saw one of the groups crossing the hallway from their classroom to the restroom. At the back of the line was a little boy pulling on a sweatshirt. He couldn't seem to get his head or arms through the proper holes, and was therefore crossing the hallway blindly. His teacher helped him, and I went on down the hallway completely amused by the antics of little kids. I'm also glad that I'm not an elementary teacher by training and that I don't have any children of my own. Much more fun to interact with them the way I get to.
Thunderstorms I prefer natural occurrences that don't harm people or property, and a good thunderstorm usually fits the bill. And did you know that hummingbirds will fly around in pouring rain to play and drink from a feeder? Seriously remarkable birds.
Unsolicited work I kind of dropped the ball on getting set up to substitute in the second district where I spent some time last year, but the principal at their elementary school called me Tuesday afternoon to see what my plans for the school year were. I spent six weeks covering his sixth grade class when their teacher had surgery last school year, so I guess it isn't surprising that he's happy to have me subbing there again this year. He was also one of my references when I interviewed (another unsolicited offer) for a job about sixty miles from home. This blurb is getting hard to understand...suffice it to say it's nice to get a vote of confidence from someone with a bit of power.
Coming together As someone who struggles to write - even though I want to do it so much - it's wonderful when inspiration, motivation, and time finally come together in my favor. Love.
This and that getting paid for a full day of work instead of the half-day I was there; playing with super-cute kittens; hot showers and a pot of coffee to chase away post-Benadryl haze; the convenience and cheapness of magazine subscriptions - it's easy to justify $12 for 20 magazines instead of $4 per issue; students who are shocked when a teacher uses the phrase "what the heck"; an allergic reaction that is not anaphylaxis - bright side, kittens; the apparent perception of myself as capable; a classroom teacher with substituting experience who therefore makes things super-clear and easy for the person coming in (read: me); breadsticks with marinara; using the laptop in bed, something I haven't really done a lot; the convenience of Netflix - seriously, think about it; roasted things - broccoli, corn, chicken; when food tastes better than you expected; knowing kids from substituting last year; October's
Vanity Fair; unexpected trips with Starbucks rewards; "Wow, you really are short."; cooler weather; thinking about cupcake decorations; getting up early enough to shower, make scrambled eggs, and still be early to my destination.
What's rocking your boat this week, kittens?
photo credits via tumblrLabels: TILT
Stories and People
"Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we're quoting."
John Green
Labels: quotation
Let Them Be Choos
My junior year of high school, I had an amazing English teacher, Mrs. W. Her class was specifically designed for college-bound students, so she was the first teacher who really asked us what we wanted to
be. That year, I thought I wanted to be a psychologist (thank heavens I reconsidered). She taught my senior English class as well, and I was her student aide. She'd been teaching for nearly thirtyyears and was one of a small handful of teachers at my school who could be called a great teacher. She did everything that held any measure of notice or prestige in our school: senior class adviser, National Honor Society adviser, teaching the two most difficult classes for college-bound students.
For years, when someone asked what I was going to be when I grew up, my answer was always, "I'll end up being a teacher whether I like it or not." It's a marginalized profession, and for a while I bought into the hype while apparently also accepting my fate - or something. Mrs. W made me realize that I could be a teacher and have a real influence, because I knew what sort of influence she had on me and everyone else in my high school. I decided that I wanted to be an English teacher; I wanted to be the next Mrs. W.
I know that, from the outside, it didn't look like I spent much time making my decision. I think that's probably the case with most decisions that I make. The truth is, I just run through all of the potential scenarios really quickly. After I decided which school I was going to, my chemistry teacher, who had been teaching for about fifteen years and had a son my age, asked if I knew I was going to study. I told her, naively, the truth: That I wanted to be the next Mrs. W.
I remember everything about her reaction. The inflection, the expression on her face, and the fact that she didn't really think anything of it before or after she spoke. She said, "Those are big shoes to fill." A very true statement, absolutely. But the way she said it...it felt like she didn't think I was capable of living up to my own expectation.
It was strange. Never before in my life had someone reacted with anything but positivity and enthusiasm when I'd set out to do something. Perhaps because my pursuits before had always been relatively inconsequential. But that doubt, or my perception that she doubted me, was completely foreign. From then on, I stopped saying that I wanted to be the next Mrs. W. I minimized it, watered it down: "If I can be half the teacher Mrs. W was, I'll consider myself a success."
You know what? Bullshit. I call bullshit on myself.
No woman ever did great things when her goal was to be half as good as her idol. Will I be as good as Mrs. W in the first few years that I teach? Of course not, because Mrs. W had thirty-plus years of experience. But to tell myself that being half as good is good enough - not fair. It's unfair to expect so little of myself, especially when I know that I'm capable of greatness.
So here's my declaration: Not only will I be the next Mrs. W, I will be a better teacher than Mrs. W was.
Those are big shoes to fill.
Labels: personal growth, teaching
Things I Love Thursday
Feeling tired because I've done work You aren't interested in hearing me talk about my summer, during which I had the opportunity to sleep in nearly every day and almost never had somewhere I had to be. But the thing is, I actually prefer running around and working and being busy. Last Friday, I spent my afternoon with second graders, then my evening working at my parents' restaurant. I worked at the restaurant on Saturday too (which was a little strange). I was tired Saturday night, and it's been long enough since I've been tired that way that I enjoyed it. Yes, I am in fact strange.
Daydreaming. Fantasizing. Planning. Visualizing. Scheming. Whatever word you want to use for it - all are accurate - it's more than a little fun.
An entire day of thunderstorms Some people think gray days are sad and depressing. I disagree. I love a day of lightning, thunder, and torrential downpours. I don't feel any less productive, and in fact they tend to inspire me to do things like write and self-pamper and clean.
Looking in other people's desk drawers I realize that this is a little iffy, and I'm sincerely not trying to invade anyone privacy. I just think it's interesting seeing how someone else organizes her desk: what things go in which drawers, whether they use organizers or just have masses of stuff. I like discovering interesting office supplies, teacher-specific things, and the random stuff that people squirrel away in their desks in general. Plus, teachers know that at some point they'll have a substitute and that person may need (or choose) to open their drawers. (Can you tell that I'm a little worried about how appropriate this is? I really have no sinister motives, though.)
Mockingjay Seriously, I'm writing Suzanne Collins a letter. By hand (because no one does that any more). I work hard not to build up expectations for books in series; I hate to be disappointed.
Mockingjay, I'm so grateful to say, didn't disappoint me. It came last Thursday afternoon; I read it that night in about four hours. I've since read it a second time. It just makes me really happy. I cannot recommend
The Hunger Games highly enough, kittens. For serious.
Getting bragged on Last Saturday, while working at my parents' restaurant, my baking skills were referenced multiple times. A couple of weeks ago, I dreamed that I baked cupcakes for my second grade teacher (after seeing her at the restaurant). I made that my facebook status, and when that same teacher came in Saturday afternoon, my mom had to tell her about my dream. Both of my parents then bragged on my baking skills, which felt pretty nice. Apparently I'm on the way to becoming "famous" for Pop Rocks cupcakes (thanks, Tiff!).
Whipped cream and sprinkles reading through my archives and finding old posts that make me laugh out loud;
Better Homes and Gardens; plans to paint the inside of my back door bright pink - the kid who mixed my paint at the store looked dubious, which just proves that I made a good choice; getting ideas for decorating baked goods; toast - bread is really delicious, guys; learning that hummingbirds will brave a thunderstorm to get a tasty drink; drawing floor plans; Marilyn going crazy trying to find the cat meowing on the title menu of
The Office (season four, disc two); for that matter,
The Office - I watched the "Dinner Party" episode last night and laughed basically the entire time; learning that school content filters don't block my blog; deciding to really go for
the hundred push-up challenge, starting with girl-style and perhaps moving on to the real deal; feeling needed; bonding a bit with the lady responsible for whether or not I get called to sub; impressing someone completely by accident; super cute furry things; finding pretty things on tumblr.
What's ringing your bell this week, kittens?
per usual, photo credits via tumblrLabels: TILT
Fake It
After spending my day badgering second graders into being quiet, I feel so energized! I'm inspired to write, clean my kitchen, fix the vacuum, and make gnocchi from scratch.
Nope, no sense to be made from the combination of image and words. I just like that comic.Labels: my insanity, rambling
